Do you feel like a grape?

Have you ever been to a winery?

Can you imagine what it would be like to be one of those grapes? Really...play along with me here for a moment.

Can you imagine what it would be like to be plucked, pushed, crushed, pressed, skinned, and fermented? OUCH! The pain! What's the point of it all?

A lot of people feel that way about the pain they experience in their relationships. "Why am I doing this? Where is this relationship going?"

But just as a grape goes through a difficult process before it becomes a fine wine, sometimes our relationships have to go through a painful process before they, too, mature.

The best relationships are not people who grew up well-adjusted, have healthy adult lives, and normal parents. People like that usually have okay at best relationships.

The best relationships and marriages are with couples who were crushed, who went through a painful process, and who built their relationship from the ruins of broken hearts.

There's an ancient song by King David, "Those who sow in tears will reap harvest in glad song."

And so it is that pain is often the preview to pleasure. Any woman who has experienced child birth can testify to this truth.

I think that very often the turning point in a healthy relationship is when a couple hits rock bottom. It's not until they've been through the worst that things start to get better.

But the turnaround in any relationship is not, and I repeat NOT, automatic. Just because you hit bottom, does not mean you'll bounce back. If you don't make it happen, you'll just crash. In order to turn a relationship around, you have to take responsibility.

What does it really mean to be responsible? A person who is responsible has the ability to respond. In other words, if you take response-ability for your relationship, then your relationship is not determined solely by what happens; it's also determined by how you respond to what happens.

A responsible person is not a victim to their circumstances. They are the master of their fate. How you respond to your circumstances today determine your circumstances tomorrow. Your actions create your circumstances. You can turn sour grapes into a fine wine.

Sorry I haven't posted much lately, I've been trying to stop the wine press and not get turned into mush. But that's happened - and I fermented for a while too. Well now I think the fermentation is done and I'm back.